Scelerata: A Panfandom Horror Hotel Game

This is the Once-ler. Seems like there's no complaint box anywhere, so I'm taking to whatever this is to vent my frustration. Keep up if you can.

For starters, this room is insufficient. It's small, and my hat almost touches the ceiling, which is an automatic no-no when it comes to architecture of any kind. I mean, come on, who designed this place? Anyway, secondly, there is a distinct lack of cigars in here, and going without tobacco for too long makes me anxious. [More anxious than he already is, anyway.] And no, cigarettes won't do. Finally, a guitar. Electric or acoustic, it doesn't matter. If I'm going be forced to relax, I might as well do so with some background music.

All together now: bigger room, cigars, guitars. No rhyme intended. Chop chop.